Town Criers are a unique and comforting tradition: archaic, loud and ever-so-slightly bizarre, like your mad uncle roaming around a town centre bellowing in Ye Olde English.

It’s been announced Liverpool is to get its own official Town Crier again, who will “play a role in key civic and ceremonial functions, welcome international passengers at the Cruise Liner Terminal and be an ambassador during high profile events”. Basically, he’ll be going to loads of parties and shouting. Not a bad job if you can get it. Where do we sign up?

The auditions will be held this week, in front of judging panel Lord Mayor Frank Prendergast, Cabinet Member for Culture and Tourism Councillor Wendy Simon and the city’s Head of Tourism Keith Blundell. Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh were otherwise engaged, we hear. They’ll put the potential criers through their paces, giving them a standard ‘cry’ to try out, before ushering them into the town hall for a private interview and beard grooming workshop (we might have made that last bit up).

If you fancy watching it all unfold, it all kicks off this Thursday at lunchtime. Bring your own earplugs.

Town Crier auditions, Thursday 22nd September
Exchange Flags, off Tithebarn/Castle Street
1pm