Let’s face it, it was only a matter of time. The man is a walking, talking installation, and he is intervening his way around us – regularly to be seen sizing up the soft fruit in Tescos on Park Road.

We were unfortunate enough to sit behind him all the way back from London the other day. Two hours of him scrolling through his contacts book and repeating the same anecdote: “Hey man, I’ve just been on Let’s Do Lunch with Gino and Mel…He asked me what my favourite desert was, I said ‘Spotted Dick.’ Man, I’m telling you, the place went WILD!’, followed by a call to 118 118… ‘No, it’s Katona, with a K. Kerry Katona…’

There was a thicket of little green Virgin trains Chardonnay bottles on his flip down, so the man was in no mood to be told he was on the quiet coach. Not when he had such a hilarious anecdote to share, and he was only up to L for Lorraine Kelly.

And the bejewelled impresario’s chosen to live amongst us? Sally Tallant, you are a genius. How did you seal the deal on that commission?

Pic: Dave Evans

  • Paul Cook

    Lock him in a room with James Savile. That will sort the pretentious Mr. Gest out. Seriously though, shows how vapid our culture can be a times when muppets like this can become a celebrity.