We love the Museum of Liverpool. We say so here. But in our eager exploration of its nooks and corners, we somehow overlooked its best exhibition. The museum’s ‘How We Used to Eat’ gallery, on the ground floor is a revelation. So complete and pitch-perfect is its evocation of motorway service stations, circa 1978, that we were blown away with the art of the curator. Wait….this is the museum’s cafe? Really? £72 million pounds – and this takes up an entire gallery’s worth of space?

Here’s the deal. The Museum’s a strident, 21st century confirmation of our cultural might – of our place at the top table of the world’s cities. And its cafe? A sad reminder that, when it comes to catering for those who take the time to pay a visit – we’re still held back at primary school, queuing up with our trays, for frozen veg, soggy chips and pre-packed sandwiches.

Can you smell a disconnect? We can.

SevenStreets gave the Waterfront Cafe a few weeks to bed in. We hate visiting a place when it’s still getting into gear. But, alas, it’s going to take a complete overhaul, we fear, to get this joint back on track.

The cafe – bustling, let’s not deny it – serves up a limited range of hot specials. Scouse, pieces of ‘spiced chicken’ entropying under the hot lights, plaice and chips in a greasy cardboard box. Alongside, there are cast-iron pots of veg. Cauliflower mainly.

Cauliflower. You know, that seasonal winter veg. In August? This is a cafe that’s out of time on so many levels.

Then you’re presented with a line-up of pre-packed sandwiches. ‘Just ham’, ‘Just cheese’, ‘Just go to Starbucks’.

Apparently, they’re made ‘on the premises’. Which begs the question, why package them at all? Why not have them made, fresh, in front of you? Like they do at FACT? Why reverse-engineer something that’s home-made to look like it’s come from a central distribution depot?  And why not use nicer bread? Would a bloomer go amiss?

I stare at the sandwich and wonder all this – and much more – while my plaice and chips slowly cools. I count the chips. 15. Which is a nice numerological coincidence, as that’s how many minutes it takes me to get served.

They have two tills here. Why can’t they have one for hot (or, by this time, lukewarm) lunches, and one express till for the Just Cheese brigade? The people at NML are at pains, also, to point out that this is a ‘cafe’, not a ‘restaurant’. If only it felt like cafes feel, in the real world, these days. No, this place is a canteen. There is simply no ambition here. And no love.

I eat my cold fish and chips. The plaice is fine. It’s flat, and not particularly meaty. But I know that’s more evolution’s fault than NML’s. The chips, well, they didn’t hang around long enough for me to form an impression.

In short, I parted with the best part of a tenner for fish and chips and a cup of coffee. And I won’t be back.

Mind you, as I looked around, it was obvious that most people at the Cafe won’t be back either. They’re mostly tourists. Mostly weekend trippers who’ve chosen our city, out of all the world’s cities, to come and spend their free time, and their disposable cash in. They sit and eat with resignation. Over at the Albert Dock, there’s no shortage of quick, colourful lunches to choose from, to brighten up an otherwise windswept afternoon.

It’s, surely, the job of the Museum of Liverpool to speak for us, to represent us? Someone needs to tell their head of catering, and fast, that they’re selling us short. It’s places like this – more than the fabric of our buildings – that do the real damage to our World Heritage Site.

For modern art, and modern catering, go to the Tate. For history, the Museum of Liverpool wins every time.

  • http://liverpoolrestaurants.wordpress.com Sid

    I totally agree, I took one look at what was on offer and left, there is no real excuse for a cafe like this any more.

  • Simon

    We ate there and it was poor, we were very disappointed. And the sandwiches were horrid.

  • Ilsa

    If that’s genuinely what the food looks like, you don’t need to read the review!! Yuck!!

  • http://www.escapecrate.co.uk Anthony

    Well that is disappointing. What a missed opportunity.

  • http://www.accesstouring.com Jamie

    Couldn’t agree more, I went the other day with my family. Terrible service, terrible selection, terrible atmosphere, terrible taste.

    I bought an orange (probably about £2) that was drier than the surface of the moon.

  • Lorraine

    Agreed. The title ‘Waterfront Cafe’ – when it doesn’t look on to the waterfront is bad enough.

    The queue system is abysmal, the colour scheme Merseyrail yellow and grey. The furniture is cheap and nasty and the fact that it’s right next to the toilets means you can enjoy a cup of tea with the faint smell of urine in the air. It’s an absolute embarrassment.

    And the coffee was horrible.

  • JP

    This is a failing of the board of governers at NML, and it’s the same story at the Maritime. Wonder what Phil Redmond makes of it? No local produce at least non that i could see, apart from Brew, and no seasonal food. It is an exercise in cynical money making. But if only they’d used a bit of intelligence this could have been one of the city’s most popular new lunch spots. It’s terrible. My wife and I sampled the place last week. We’l never go back.

  • http://veryberryhandmade.co.uk/ Sandy

    The plate of fish and five chips looks bad enough, but the dish of peas mixed with sweetcorn is truly disturbing.

  • http://www.sevenstreets.com David

    I really didn’t want to draw attention to that…Best forgotten about, I think.

  • Shaun

    I must disagree with the negative comments, firstly it doesnt say the sandwiches are ‘made on the premises’ anywhere so a bit of research on the reviewers behalf would be in order. If you want seasonal food go to the Maritime dinning rooms. The size of the cafe appears to be big enough (judging by how full it is in the picture) To address Lorraines point the building is new so the toilets are very clean so there is no odour of urine coming from the toilets it might have come form a closer source to yourself. Any fool can criticise but judging by how full the place is every day there appears to be more people that like it. Its a new venue and things will probably change over time but just remember you cant please everyone

  • http://www.sevenstreets.com David

    Shaun, my research was to ask National Museums Liverpool ‘Where do you get your sandwiches from?’. They replied ‘We make them in house’.
    It’s investigative journalism like this that truly separates us out from the pack. It’s a gift. Try it sometime.
    And our readers don’t smell like toilets. Although, I have to be honest here, that’s something I’m not prepared to investigate quite so ruthlessly.