It was fancy wallpaper guru William Morris, who, when asked why he spent so much time at the Eiffel Tower, said “Because it’s the only place in Paris I can’t see it from.”

He had a point. It’s a bastard of a building to try and slap up some anaglypta on. Still, over time, most Parisians came to take the Meccano monster to their hearts.

Whether the same will be said of our new Pier Head building is another matter. But there’s no doubt that, from its terrace, the view of our waterfront is lovely: and Morris would no doubt approve of the fact that, from here, the building’s awkward angles are blissfully blotted from the panorama.

Is that why Matou, the building’s restaurant in residence, is so popular? Somehow we doubt it. We doubt its current crop of clientele care little about its clumsy aesthetic, or its lack of taste. They can’t. They eat here.

After a shaky start, Matou is now – and there is no denying this – the place to be on a summer’s evening in town. Its terrace is awash with the Liverpool Lifestyle brigade: all diaphanous layers, Pirates of the Caribbean earrings and platform wedges.

SevenStreets simply had to go and check it out. After all, what could be worse than eating a spicily fresh Pan-Asian dinner on a summer’s evening, overlooking the shimmering corridor of the Leeds Liverpool Canal, and one-eyed monster of the new museum?

Alas, we’ll never know. For, sadly, the large terrace is a food no-go area from six thirty. Thus depriving the city of the best chance it had of a waterfront eating experience. For Matou is now more bar than restaurant – and it’s the diners who are paying the price.

Why can’t we get our waterfront right? Walking to the Pier Head one thing is immediately apparent: there’s far too much hard landscaping here. It’s a celebration of geometry. Of clashing concrete and granite, chrome hand rails and battoned-down benches. Ridged and rugged paving edges, and sudden eruptions of angular and angry intersections: the biggest and rudest of all is the Pier Head building itself.

And if you thought everything was hard and abrasive outside, wait until you get inside.

For Matou is a festival of steely surfaces – mosaic pillars, onyx bars, crude concrete and harsh tile. Throw in a gaggle of hard accents, acrylic nails and steroid stares and you’ve got just about the shrillest, noisiest and most painful acoustic experience this side of a Slipknot gig in Topps Tiles. All those hard surfaces just let the sound ricochet around like charged particles in the Large Hadron Collider. In short, it’s painful.

Now we know why the Newz bar has the good sense to drape its interior in those womb red swags. A good bit of soft texturing does wonders for dampening down the barking of Bootle girls on house Champers.

And so to the food.

We’re ushered to the canteen area, replete with sticky tables and stunning views over the scrap-metal graveyards of Wallasey docks. On a summer’s evening, we don’t know about you, but there’s nothing we like better than resting our bare forearms in the spilt detritus of a previous diner’s effluent. Really sets the tastebuds a-tingling.

We order a selection of starters. The tempura was great. The fishcakes? For all we know, they could have been otter shit (sorry, spraint – we’ve not sat through Springwatch for nothing, you know). They certainly smell fishy, but they’ve that reconstituted look. Brown, ovoid, squashy and mushed beyond recognition they’re quite repulsive and an omen of things to come – same for the curiously vague and toilet textured Pandanus chicken, which was less Pand and more, well you get the drift. For Matou, the interior might be as hard and resilient as Margi Clarke’s career, but the food is soft focused, lame and largely forgettable.

Our mains were pitiful. Nasi Goreng should be perky, spicy, freshly wok-fried and jauntily tossed onto the plate. Ours was sweaty, served in a curious ring mould, like some kid’s party jelly: and totally devoid of flavour. And what’s Malaysian food without flavour? Rice. Our Salmon teriyaki with egg noodles was an exercise in blandness. This is one salmon which didn’t leap up river, but floated to the surface and said ‘put me out of my misery and poach me, please’.

We ordered a stingingly expensive Sauvigon – assuming the acidity would be a perfect match for the spicy goodness that lay ahead. We needn’t have bothered – spices, obviously, were off that evening.

Of course, none of this matters all that much. For Matou, with its oversized windows, and overpriced menu, has turned its back on the city, and on the notion that it’s a restaurant at all.

That Matou is buzzing, that its toilet cubicles are busier than Lime Street at rush hour, that it’s a restaurant that’s forgotten about its food (and refuses to serve it to those who want to tuck in while enjoying a view of our beleaguered Three Graces) says all you need to know about a curious and inconvenient truth: we have a world class waterfront. And we haven’t got the first clue about how to enjoy it.

Here’s a serving suggestion from SevenStreets: give us somewhere good to eat, give us a view, and let us return to the river.


Matou, Pier Head

 

  • Mike

    Ouch!

  • http://www.liverpoolrestauranttreviews.co.uk Sid

    Really good article David, I enjoyed it a lot. I had herd the food was ok there, however I will not be finding out myself now. Your article reminds me of my visit to Chaophraya, a similar atmosphere and equally bad food.

  • http://www.sevenstreets.com David

    there are, alas too many Chaophraya/Matous in this city. Steer clear. Cheers D

  • Mike

    I read an article recently about the demonization of the working classes (of which, I am one) and there were some good points in there. However, wandering around Liverpool on any given day or night, you have to draw the conclusion that they (we) really do themselves no favours at all.

  • Georgia

    I have to say I totally disagree with this article.

    Having frequented Matou a number of times I can say that the food Mr Lloyd describes as “otter shit” (fantastic journalism there David, so eloquent) is actually rather lovely. The fishcakes which I have sampled more than once were very similar to ones I have tasted whilst holidaying in Thailand – so for authenticity you can’t go wrong.

    Also, this appears to be more of a critque of architecture rather than cuisine. Matou boasts the best location in the city and I personally think the interiors are fabulous.

    All in all I do disagree, but each to their own I suppose.

  • http://www.sevenstreets.com David

    There are bad restaurants in Thailand, it’s true.

  • Tob

    Georgia – “For all we know, they could be otter shit” is totally different from “is/tastes like otter shit”. As in, it’s so beyond recognition of a fish cake it could be anything.

    I’ve eaten here previously, and it’s OK. Nothing particularly special considering it’s one of the best views. We really need some great, varied places with great views down there and this isn’t it at the moment.

  • junkmonkey

    Some of my friends have reported fabulous meals in here. The occasion I went, for an anniversary, was the worst meal I’ve ever had, for all the reasons you mentioned, plus a waiting time of one hour for starters and then another hour for mains. The food was bland, over-priced and small portions. The service was apathetic at best and we had no apology. I don’t believe that “It’s Saturday night” is a valid excuse. In a non-malicious way, I’m glad you had a bad experience – and have published it!

  • nicbrown61

    It only showed that the saying ‘one man’s meat is another man’s poison’ is true here.The place is rammed and is doing good business during this economic depression only proved that David is only one of a small minority.
    I have been to the Matou on a regular basis since it opened and I still think it is the best place to dine as far as the food is concerned. Contrary to David’s opinion,I have never had a substandard meal here.I find the food very tasty and full of flavour.

    I also think the decor is fabulous and all the ‘hard surfaces’ suits an eating establishment. They are easily maintained and kept hygienically clean. The place is always spotless.I think they have the best toilets in the city.

    Incidentally,I wondered if David had ever been to Thailand or the Far East to be in the position to criticise their cuisine. David, I think you are ‘nit picking’ or had a very bad day when you wrote your article.Take that big ‘CHIP’ off your shoulder and be happy.

  • Ellis

    I can’t help but think Nicbrown61 has some involvement with Matou. Ultra defensive.

  • junkmonkey

    I’ve been to Thailand. The food at Matou is sub-standard. It’s not even as good as Chaophraya. Just because it’s busy doesn’t mean it’s any good. Although I did see Riuven in there last week and he said it was “bangin’ kidda.”

  • Ellis

    Riuven wouldn’t be caught dead in there.

  • Julie Jensen

    Excellent review, great piece of writing and thank you for alerting me. I have some visitors over from Santa Cruz (California) and was planning on taking them to Matou at the weekend. We’re now heading for the other end of town – I hope they like Chinese…..

  • MrD

    Have to say I’m surprised by this review. I loved it when I went, although it was early on during that phase when I didn’t think it would survive.

    At the time it was really quiet, so we were both pampered and were even treated to a full tour by the owner (including behind the scenes).

    Sounds like it’s doing well enough but to have no food after 6.30 on the terrace is ridiculous.

  • Andrew

    The building is awful, and the materials and execution are berry poor. Please put it out of its misery.

  • Siobhan

    I was in there last weekend and found mould on a strawberry in my drink, complained to the manager and he picked the mould off and asked what he should do about it eventually got a free round of drinks but not until being treated terribly! It used to be lovely and had great customer service but its gone down hill as its risen in popularity

  • James

    Interesting review. I didn’t want to go there (and avoided it for so long) because of the crowd it attracts but aside from it being overpriced (which is fine considering the view on offer) I thought it was great. That said, it’s only the 4th or 5th best Pan-Asian in Liverpool.

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