Elbow. They’ve got a lot to answer for. It’s not enough that that song is used for every mildly stirring sporting occasion, now they’ve made a move on the handbag charts too.

Look at the lovely Rebecca Ferguson leaving the average San Carlos yesterday. Look at her furry hat, and nude wedges. Lovely. Look at the ridiculous way she’s holding her oversized Marc Jacobs handbag. Ridiculous.

When did the crook of the elbow become the fulcrum for swinging your bits about? Do you see The Queen stomping around Horseguards Parade with her arm extended as if she’s playing an invisible violin, handbag dangling from her crook? No. You don’t.

What do you do with that elevated hand anyway, assuming you aren’t currently holding something else with it? Maybe take a mini weather station along with you to take some air pressure readings? Or a little bird table so you could feed the sparrows as you sashay? How high should one hold one’s forearm anyway, and do you clench the fist or leave it lightly open, as if you’re about to address poor Yorrick’s skull?

What about the nasty groin bruises you get when your bag of bits keeps slamming into your carriageworks?

Yeah, we know, elbow bags aren’t going anywhere fast, but it’s a health worry to us.

Osaka General Hospital has recently treated a number of women who’ve suffered injuries as a result of this fashion forward bag carrying epidemic. Over there (where the craze started half a decade ago), a publicity campaign is being planned to show people more conventional ways of carrying a bag, in the hope of reducing the number of cases of RHSI (Repetitve Handbag Strain Injury). Handbag elbow. You heard it here first. Or maybe last.

No seriously. The tendonny bits of your elbow just weren’t designed for carrying around whatever bits of kit Rebecca needs for lunch at San Carlos (we’re guessing WD40, a sprocket set, some lip balm and Zane from One Direction are all neatly stowed away).

And where’s it going to end anyway? Because these things always mutate. Our money’s on the extended YMCA move (r). But fashionistas say, this year, it’s all about the forearm. Oh my lord.

Some say it’s an independent woman thing (odd, when it’s so ubiquitous) – a defensive, security-concious statement of intent. But surely an elbow is easier to yank a bag free of than if it was hoisted around your neck, like a big, over-stuffed lanyard? Come on Liverpool, let’s get our heads together and thing of a new way to wear our handbags.

This time last year we were showing the world Desperate Scousewives. Let’s see if this January we can manage something even more vacuous. The Handbag knee movement starts right now.

pic: Dave the Pap

  • http://twitter.com/wellmadestudio Well Made

    Babes.

    Babes babes babes. *shakes head pityingly*

    Hate to point this out, but the most ‘up to’ silly bag trend is wearing your satchel as a clutch.

    To do so, you wrap that useful little strap (you know, the one you’d normally use to swing bag across your body) round your clawed hand and hook the body of bag somewhere under your arm pit and above your elbow.

    Not only is it a chic day to night look, but the act of rendering one of one’s arms useless implies we all have an army of fash interns to hold the pedestrian non-fashion items (umbrella, coffee, overdue library books) our other arm previously held.

    example a: http://www.whistles.co.uk/fcp/categorycollections/collections/aw12?resetFilters=true

  • Katie

    I’m afraid to say I always carry my bag this way if it’s a large one like Rebecca has in the picture. It’s the most comfortable way to carry a large bag. Hold it down by your side and it bashes into your legs, carry it on your shoulder and it slides off. I do sometimes think ‘Oh God, I’m a Scouse cliche’ when I’m walking around town but I genuinely find it the easiest way to carry my bag so I’m sticking with it 😉

  • David

    yes, but somehow it looks less mannered. Even though it is, in fact, more so. That’s a neat fashion move to pull off. God, the fashion waters are choppy. Kind of sorry we waded in. Still, our piece on leopard skin rompers is going ahead.

  • Kerry

    I have been thinking this for years … thanks sooooooooo much for putting it into words for me:)

  • Vicky

    Heh, mostly, I carry my bag like this if I’ve been at a till and want to move away quickly, just pop my bag on my arm and off… it’s convenience more than a ‘fashion statement’.

    Though I guess you’d need to walk around for a while with a big handbag to really know that. HEY, A CHALLENGE FOR DAVID!! Pictoral blog examples! Marvellous.

  • Claire

    this was obviously written by a man….