Look at the lovely Rebecca Ferguson leaving the average San Carlos yesterday. Look at her furry hat, and nude wedges. Lovely. Look at the ridiculous way she’s holding her oversized Marc Jacobs handbag. Ridiculous.
When did the crook of the elbow become the fulcrum for swinging your bits about? Do you see The Queen stomping around Horseguards Parade with her arm extended as if she’s playing an invisible violin, handbag dangling from her crook? No. You don’t.
What do you do with that elevated hand anyway, assuming you aren’t currently holding something else with it? Maybe take a mini weather station along with you to take some air pressure readings? Or a little bird table so you could feed the sparrows as you sashay? How high should one hold one’s forearm anyway, and do you clench the fist or leave it lightly open, as if you’re about to address poor Yorrick’s skull?
What about the nasty groin bruises you get when your bag of bits keeps slamming into your carriageworks?
Yeah, we know, elbow bags aren’t going anywhere fast, but it’s a health worry to us.
Osaka General Hospital has recently treated a number of women who’ve suffered injuries as a result of this fashion forward bag carrying epidemic. Over there (where the craze started half a decade ago), a publicity campaign is being planned to show people more conventional ways of carrying a bag, in the hope of reducing the number of cases of RHSI (Repetitve Handbag Strain Injury). Handbag elbow. You heard it here first. Or maybe last.
No seriously. The tendonny bits of your elbow just weren’t designed for carrying around whatever bits of kit Rebecca needs for lunch at San Carlos (we’re guessing WD40, a sprocket set, some lip balm and Zane from One Direction are all neatly stowed away).
And where’s it going to end anyway? Because these things always mutate. Our money’s on the extended YMCA move (r). But fashionistas say, this year, it’s all about the forearm. Oh my lord.
Some say it’s an independent woman thing (odd, when it’s so ubiquitous) – a defensive, security-concious statement of intent. But surely an elbow is easier to yank a bag free of than if it was hoisted around your neck, like a big, over-stuffed lanyard? Come on Liverpool, let’s get our heads together and thing of a new way to wear our handbags.
This time last year we were showing the world Desperate Scousewives. Let’s see if this January we can manage something even more vacuous. The Handbag knee movement starts right now.
pic: Dave the Pap